you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
