Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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