2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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