You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
