What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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