do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
