my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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