This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
