I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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