Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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