Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
