I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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