So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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