theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
