So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
