we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And then my night got REAL pukey
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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