are you still at the devil's house?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
