I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
