Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
please don't ironically join a cult
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