if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I puked a lego.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize