Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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