Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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