no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
