you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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