just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
