I'm so fucking centered right now
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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