He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
