I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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