tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
