If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
