No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
