we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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