Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
