you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
how does that bad decision feel?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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