if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
