I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
