Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
