Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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