At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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