If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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