Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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