I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
