this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
