quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
