It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
