I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
