Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
