My brain says no but my pants say off.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
