Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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