Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
