chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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