I'm eating all of the evidence.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
