You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
