I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the condom got lost in my hair
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
