I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I came so hard my ears popped.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
