woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
