Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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