I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
