When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sext me about skeletons
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
