Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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