So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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