I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
