I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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