I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
