Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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