woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
