When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
