My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
